I came across a post this week on Instagram that said, “I’m not responsible for who I attract. I’m responsible for who I entertain.” This made me think, because I’ve most definitely, like many of you, have been here. On both sides of the spectrum.
There are many cases where we attract people we have absolutely no interest in. That’s not on us, and as the post said, we’re not responsible for that. However, what we do after, and how we act on the situation is. And there are times we give in and entertain them anyway. But the question is:
Why entertain someone or a situation you know isn’t going to grow?
I’ve been there before. At a point where I knew it wasn’t going to work, but I entertained it anyway. Here are a few reasons why we tend to stick around and stay in situations where we aren’t really interested in the other party:
1. Sometimes we just want to have fun. And think to ourselves, why not? The right one hasn’t come as yet. There are times where we just want someone around to keep us company. We see there’s no one else around with potential, so we we just accept what’s right in front of us.
2. We think they’re really good people, and don’t want to hurt them. There are times where we get to know someone and still have no interest in them, but we realize that they are good people. It’s hard to potential hurt someone you believe is a great person. It’s quite often that we just stick around to spare the feelings of someone else.
3. We want it to work out because of where we are in life. We may feel like we’re getting older and are ready to settle down. So instead of waiting it out, we settle for who right in front of us knowing we aren’t really feeling them, or knowing they aren’t really good for us. We try to rush things because we feel like we’re supposed to be in a relationship or married by a certain time. Or even because all of our friends have been going in that direction.
Although these reasons are understandable, they’re not beneficial at all. I have most definitely been in these situations, and I’ll tell you, they never work. When we just entertain someone for our purposes, we not only hold ourselves back, but we end up hurting the other party. I’ve realized how selfish it is to just want to have company when the other party is genuinely invested. And you’ll never get any real fulfillment in the long run.
It’s often that we want to put other peoples feelings before ours. However, in this case, there’s no win win. We end up becoming bitter because there’s nothing in it for us. And eventually it’ll destroy the relationship. And the other party would be more hurt than they possibly would’ve been if they were told in the beginning how you felt. It’s ok to let a person know that you think they’re a great person, but it won’t work out.
Many women and even men, put a time stamp on relationships and marriage. And when it doesn’t come in their timing, they (we) tend to settle. But we don’t realize that we are blocking what’s really meant for us. Sometimes we have to go through a waiting process. A process that prepares us for what’s coming. And in that process, the one that’s meant for us is being prepared as well.
Sometimes we have to take a step back and evaluate the people we entertain. Question why you’re entertaining them. If you know for a fact you’re not interested in them or you don’t see it going anywhere; it may be wise to just be upfront about it. It’s better to keep it real than to go through a whole relationship unfulfilled. Think about both parties. In some cases, you need to be selfish and realize when you’re settling. And other times you need to think of the other party and if you’re entertaining them for your selfish pleasure. You don’t want to hurt anyone and you don’t want to end up becoming bitter.
Let’s learn to make better choices and realize when we’re entertaining people for the wrong reasons.
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