So this past weekend I made an unexpected decision to go to Philly. As I sat in the nail salon Saturday afternoon on the phone with the BFF, hearing their plans of a Philly trip, I immediately wanted to join. One, we (the circle) were all off for MLK day and I know every time we get together, it’s a good time. I knew ahead of time that I’d gain something through this. I thrive from gaining new knowledge or even seeing things from a different perspective or point of view. And that is exactly what took place. I originally had plans, but I knew this was something I needed to do for me.

Overall, it was a pretty good time. But I love discussion, so that was the best part for me. Anytime the four of us get together we have late night conversation. So as we talked, and I listened to a situation that I’ve been too familiar with, I received some great insight about the whole friendship stage leading to a relationship. Being on the other end of the spectrum, to hear from a mans point of view was great.

These were the simple words that summed it up for me: “Take your hands off of it. You’re trying to move the pieces around. Your hands are in it too much. Just chill…sit back and be lovely.”

Sometimes we (females) do too much and don’t give men an opportunity to do the things that we ultimately want them to do. And all the man wants us to do is sit back as they do what they’re supposed to do.

I’ve found myself in situations where I tried to make things happen. I kept putting demands on things and putting my hands in it when I probably should’ve just fell back. Sometimes we have to sit back and let the man do what he needs to do. Rather than try to make a man pursue us, let him do the pursuing. Stop questioning and let him do things because he wants to do them.

It makes it difficult for a man to do what he wants to do when you tell him to do it. Yes, a man will always do what he wants to do, but let him do it because he feels like doing it, not because you said it. Men don’t like to be chased, let them do the chasing. Let them put in the work.

I’ve now come to a place within myself where I’ve made the decision to just chill, sit back, and be lovely. Remaining consistent in my decision, regardless of how it ends. If you’re willing, go along for the ride, staying in your lane. Build a friendship and keep building until you’ve reached that point. Don’t take it further than that.

So ladies, I encourage you to take your hands off of it. Sit back and be lovely when you need to. Be the woman and allow yourself to be pursued. Let’s not be so quick to tell men what to do, make demands and expect it to go the way we have it played out in our heads.
And men, be honest and upfront throughout the extent of it.

As I was waiting on line to get into Wendy Williams this morning, I overheard a conversation behind me. As these two were talking, one was sharing with another about an event that they would be apart of. She then told him how she wanted to put him on the bill, and would look out for any openings. Then the other shared what they were about to embark on. They went back and forth sharing and encouraging one another on their projects. This made me think of where I’ve been recently. I’ve been thinking about this quite often lately, I really love and appreciate genuine relationships. Where you encourage one another and support in their endeavors.

One day, after not seeing her for about a year, I went out to lunch with a friend of mine. This was around the time I made the decision to really focus on some of the things that I needed to in order to prepare for my future. This was by far one of the best conversations I had. We were both able to share the things that we desired to do, as well as encourage each other to do it rather than just talk about it. Some things we hadn’t shared with anyone else. Endeavors we anticipated embarking on. We supported one another’s ideas and pushed one another to pursue it.This is just an example of what you call genuine friendship. When you don’t always see each other, but can still take interest in one another’s future.

You should always surround yourself with like-minded people. People who are going in the same direction as you. People who have the same drive and determination that you do. People who are going to always be able to push and motivate you to do and be better. As Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” You have to have people around you that will keep you on your toes. People who aren’t jealous of your growth or who don’t mind putting you on to things when you fall off.

So I encourage you to evaluate the relationships in your life as well as your own motives within those relationships. Are you giving and receiving as much support and motivation as possible?

We all have goals and places in life we desire to be. We’re building to one day reach that place. Building is a process. And during a process there’s always much for us to learn. One thing we must know is that timing is everything. We have to get to the place where we understand that sometimes things won’t work out the way we want because it may not be the right time.

Don’t stop working because you don’t get immediate results. I’m learning this. I don’t know if it’s just me, but for some odd reason, I like to see change when I’m putting in work. And when I don’t see it right away, in the past I’ve gotten discouraged and wanted to fallback. I’m sure I’m not the only person that’s been there. But I’m starting to realize and learning to accept that, some things aren’t happening because it’s just not the right time. And I have to trust that as long as I’m working, it’ll happen. When the time is right.

One thing in particular I’ve struggled with, is my writing. I’ve started, stopped, started and stopped. I came to the place where I just put it on hold. This was all because I didn’t get immediate results. And I’ve seen so many people get to where I’ve wanted to be so much faster, so I thought. But I began to think, some of the content I needed to include hadn’t developed at that moment. I wasn’t ready to be at that place as of yet.

I may not be able to flourish in all of the things that I want to pursue as of yet. There may be a lot more for me to learn. So to avoid my downfall, it doesn’t work out.

Of course you may feel a little uneasy when you see someone in the place you hope to be in.
It doesn’t necessarily mean you’re doing something wrong and they’re doing it correct. Doesn’t always mean that what they’re doing is something that you should be doing. That may not be the route you need to take to get there. In some cases, it’s just not the right time.

It’s not our place to compete with anyone. When it’s your time, it’s your time. This is where we mess up, we stray from what we should be doing and follow the pattern of someone else. Don’t worry about what others are doing. Celebrate with them and keep working. Keep doing what you’re supposed to do and at the perfect time, you’ll be where you should be.