So this past weekend I made an unexpected decision to go to Philly. As I sat in the nail salon Saturday afternoon on the phone with the BFF, hearing their plans of a Philly trip, I immediately wanted to join. One, we (the circle) were all off for MLK day and I know every time we get together, it’s a good time. I knew ahead of time that I’d gain something through this. I thrive from gaining new knowledge or even seeing things from a different perspective or point of view. And that is exactly what took place. I originally had plans, but I knew this was something I needed to do for me.
Overall, it was a pretty good time. But I love discussion, so that was the best part for me. Anytime the four of us get together we have late night conversation. So as we talked, and I listened to a situation that I’ve been too familiar with, I received some great insight about the whole friendship stage leading to a relationship. Being on the other end of the spectrum, to hear from a mans point of view was great.
These were the simple words that summed it up for me: “Take your hands off of it. You’re trying to move the pieces around. Your hands are in it too much. Just chill…sit back and be lovely.”
Sometimes we (females) do too much and don’t give men an opportunity to do the things that we ultimately want them to do. And all the man wants us to do is sit back as they do what they’re supposed to do.
I’ve found myself in situations where I tried to make things happen. I kept putting demands on things and putting my hands in it when I probably should’ve just fell back. Sometimes we have to sit back and let the man do what he needs to do. Rather than try to make a man pursue us, let him do the pursuing. Stop questioning and let him do things because he wants to do them.
It makes it difficult for a man to do what he wants to do when you tell him to do it. Yes, a man will always do what he wants to do, but let him do it because he feels like doing it, not because you said it. Men don’t like to be chased, let them do the chasing. Let them put in the work.
I’ve now come to a place within myself where I’ve made the decision to just chill, sit back, and be lovely. Remaining consistent in my decision, regardless of how it ends. If you’re willing, go along for the ride, staying in your lane. Build a friendship and keep building until you’ve reached that point. Don’t take it further than that.
So ladies, I encourage you to take your hands off of it. Sit back and be lovely when you need to. Be the woman and allow yourself to be pursued. Let’s not be so quick to tell men what to do, make demands and expect it to go the way we have it played out in our heads.
And men, be honest and upfront throughout the extent of it.