A Moment – Happiness is an Inside Job

There are times in life where we just need to take a moment. Sometimes we realize it right away, and other times it takes us a while to actually get that we need to take a break. Then there are those times where we feel as if we can’t take a break because of all that is going on around us. However, it is imperative that we take a moment or a break at different times in our life’s journey.

I can honestly admit that I have been a tad bit overwhelmed these past few weeks. There is just so much I need to get done, so much I want to do, but limited time. The life I see myself living forever, is not the life I am currently living. I am most definitely on my way, but there are times where I just see so much more for me, those around me, and those I’ve been called to lead that my desire to tackle them becomes overwhelming. Lack or results and a cluttered mind caused me to make a decision to limit my social media usage. Social media really takes up a great deal of a persons day. I’ve decided to start off with the week, jump back on on Sunday’s to do our weekly Spark Sunday, browse for a few, and disconnect once again. One day, I just deleted every social media app I had. Can’t say that I was 100% off this week, but it was still successful, and I am going to continue this weekly.  It’s so important to disconnect every once in a while to get yourself aligned. We have so many thoughts, that sometimes, it pushes us off of the track or path that we are on. I can attest to this. We don’t always allow life to happen. We get to a point where we try to make things happen. Things that may not be meant to happen at this moment. Things that are to come along our path, after we have learned a particular lesson, or experienced a specific thing. (It took me this very moment to remember this. The power of taking a break!)

I had a meeting today (Saturday afternoon) scheduled in Bryant Park, to discuss Take A Moment, which will be hosted next month. After the meeting, I decided to take a moment and sit in the park alone. My laptop, music, a notepad, and bread (I’m hungry!). Before going back to work for the event and even writing, I decided to take a moment. I sat and took in the scenery and enjoyed the warm weather. I needed to clear my head. Ministry, events, work, Lovely Miss Jones, relationships have all been on my mind heavy lately. Most of these areas produced some sort of conflict. Which tugged at my peace. And I wasn’t the happiest that I could be. Almost as if I was unhappy because of all that was going on around me. However, as my notepad says, Happiness is an inside job. Our happiness isn’t dependent upon outside sources. I’ve felt the most misunderstood in these moments. All the more to disconnect.

All breaks or moments won’t look the same. Maybe sometimes you need to just sit, on a day like today. Sit alone in a park, take in the moment, and release your thoughts. Or maybe you need to disconnect. Take a break from social media, limit your phone usage, be less social. Just disconnecting to realign and get back on track. When we try (key word) to continue to move in the moments where we need to take a break, we become overwhelmed and even frustrated. No real results and a cluttered mind. Which can leave us in a place where we aren’t our happiest. In order to get the results we desire and be at our happiest, taking a moment is required. Be sure to take your share of breaks on your journey!

-xo Miss Jones

The Process. It’s Good For You

As I’ve discussed in my previous post, many things have begun to change around me. After I wrote that piece, it seems like I’ve felt completely all over the place. Things are definitely moving in another direction. And in some cases, not at all how I’d anticipated. Through my circumstances and experiences, I’ve come to realize that the process is good. No matter what it looks like, no matter how uncomfortable it may be; the process is needed. 
These past few days I’ve consistently said to myself, “God has a way of doing things.” Nothing happens haphazardly, it’s all for a purpose. There’s significance, it’ll birth something. After a situation last night, I realized it caused me to see things differently. There are times when we begin to allow fear to overtake us. We see the inconsistency of our success, the constant roadblocks, and we begin to think that maybe this isn’t for me. Maybe what we desire isn’t really what we deserve. Despite our feelings, there’s a purpose in all that we go through. Our circumstances and situations do the following:

  • Settles us. Difficulties have a way sitting us down. Sometimes we run too much physically, emotionally, and mentally. There are times when our situations cause us to take a step back, relax, and evaluate. 
  • Shows us where our dependence should lie. The different things that we go through in life also cause us to realize that we shouldn’t put our security and dependence in things. We can’t trust physical things. We have to put our trust wholeheartedly in God. Our plans aren’t always His plans. He knows what’s best for us; and even if it’s not what we had planned, it’s greater. 
  • It teaches us. There’s always a lesson through every struggle. It’s all preparation for what’s soon to come. It’s building and strengthening us for our future. If we don’t go through things, we won’t be able to grow. We won’t have a backbone, or any endurance. We would fall apart at every sign of disappointment.   

We have to learn to discern the seasons of our lives. Everything isn’t meant to last always. But there’s purpose in it. There are certain times that we have to go through a season where we have to just settle ourselves down. This season helps you to mature and grow into the person that you’re supposed to be. It will help us to somewhat master the art of balance. It causes us to trust that God has major purpose for our lives. And all we have to do is trust Him. We have to learn to trust the process. We have to realize the only way we can be purposeful is when we understand the process. So I encourage you today, don’t allow a particular season in your life to break you. Comply and yield yourself to your process. If it causes you to be still in order to teach you balance, allow it to. If it’s going to increase your faith because you realize Gods position in your life, allow it to. Trust that the best is yet to come when you continue in your process, instead of giving up. 

It’s Not Always “Them”

Sometimes we unknowingly create issues within ourselves and pass it off on others. There are times when we need to check ourselves and not the motives of those around us. Often times we create issues in our heads based off of what we’ve been through, what we expect, what we assume, and decisions we have to make. It can sometimes even be unconscious behavior. However, we have to get to a place where we know when our thoughts play a part in the situations we may be in. There are some people who actually want the best for us. Every uncomfortable situation isn’t because of other people. This thought led me to a very recent personal experience.

I was experiencing a very emotionally season of my life. Not realizing all it took was for me to make a decision to rid myself of these feelings. During this process I was delicate. I put up a wall and dodged certain things because I assumed that these particular people around me were putting me in a place where I’d be pushed further into my emotions. After one very important conversation with a close friend, I realized I wanted things to be made easy for me. I wanted my decisions to reflect the decisions of others, which would make my decision much easier. Sounds complicated, right? But I’m the one that made it complicated. I made it uncomfortable, not the people that were around me. It was me, and I had to take ownership of that. People have always been my downfall. But it was always because I allowed it. 

When you realize you’re the one who created the circumstance or situation you’re experiencing, you’re closer to a solution. And from there you’ll be in a much better place; emotionally, physically, then your headspace will be a lot clearer. Which will give you time to enjoy your life. You’ll be happier and experience the joy that you once desired. Once I acknowledged that I had to make a decision, I was able to do it. I put my thoughts into perspective and I acted. And it honestly put me in a much better place. Not even knowing for sure if it was going to be this way forever. I’m learning to live in the moment. It’s ok to make mistakes, as long as you own up to it. We have to come to a place where we stop blaming our discomfort and difficulty on other people. Our happiness and peace of mind isn’t dependent on other people. It’s our choice, and we always have a choice. So I encourage you not to always think that someone is out to get you, or your happiness lies in the hands of others. Evaluate yourself and not always the thoughts of others. Own up to your own thought process, decisions, and behavior and see how happy you will be!

                                                                        

I Know The Plans I Have For You…Do You Know?

The first month of this new year comes to an end in just a few days. As many of you have, I started this year with confidence of great success and growth. However, in this first month, I’ve experienced a few things I didn’t necessarily expect. Although I’m aware that everything isn’t a perfect ride, it won’t always be smooth sailing; I just wasn’t expecting things to be this way so early on.

I know business wise, my plans were to flourish and do as much as I could. I was preparing to work with a company I’d wanted to work with for quite some time. I went as far as to signing a contract. I was ready to work. However, there was no contact at all for work. I reached out consistently and I was pretty much ignored. And to this day, there’s been no response to any of my contact. So it’s my assumption that the contract just fell through, for what ever reason.

After this situation, a company I’d already been working with just went inactive. After an email in December, I received a message saying they’d be up and running the following week. Over a month later, there’s been no activity with them. After emails and calls, there’s been no contact on their end explaining the difficulty.

After these two situations, an issue in my personal life occurred. I ended a friendship with a friend of many years. It’s always been an up and down ride with this particular friend, but I don’t think I necessarily thought it would get to this point again. And although, I wasn’t angry about it (because I’m sure this was the best route, so I have no regrets) it was something that wasn’t expected at this time in my life.

With all of this over a span of a few weeks, I could’ve been discouraged and wanted to fall back from things for a while. I could’ve been discouraged and thought that things just won’t work out for me. But, I wasn’t, at all. Does it always feel good to revisit a feeling of confusion, of course not. But I’m able to bounce back because I know what’s ahead. I was reminded that there’s greatness ahead for me, no matter what my current situations are. You really have to know it for yourself to be able to continue on with your journey towards success.

The Bible lets me know that God has a plan for me. It says in Jeremiah 29:11, ‘For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (‭Jeremiah‬ ‭29‬:‭11‬ NIV)’ I know this for sure, therefore, I can continue on knowing I’m going to win. It’s one thing for God to have a plan for us, but there’s another to know and truly believe it. You have to know for sure.

Things may not have looked the best as these situations occurred, but I know God has a plan for me. Not plans to harm me, but plans to prosper me. He plans for me to succeed. He plans for me to flourish richly. I won’t be stuck on what didn’t work out, but rather what I was able to learn from it. It’s all beneficial to my growth and success. I will continue to work as hard as I’ve been, if not much harder.

So I encourage you not to fret and become discouraged when things don’t go according to your plans. Know and believe that God has a plan for your life. Rest assured that everything that you go through is stepping stones for where you’re headed. Learn from it and know that you will prosper!

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You Can Have It If You Want It

Often times we see the things that we want, and feel like we can’t get it. Maybe we have feelings of inadequacy or even feel that we aren’t deserving of all that we want. Or that it’s just not in arms reach and isn’t realistic enough to be ours. But allow me to let you in on a little secret….you can have it if you really want it.

I learned a little late in the game too, so no worries if you weren’t aware :). Below are a few ways that’ll ensure that you get exactly what you want. That is, if you really want it.

•Speak it into the atmosphere. What you put out, comes back to you. When you begin to speak things even though it’s not here as yet, you’re showing your faith. And with faith, all things are possible.

•Believe it. You have to believe it for yourself. You have to believe that no matter what comes up against you, this thing is going to work out for you.

•Claim it. After you’ve spoke it and start to believe it, already act as if it’s yours. Start walking in confidence, believing that it’s your season. Walk with boldness, declaring that you already have it.

•Work for it. Nothing will happen if you don’t work for you. When you believe and claim it, it’ll push you to go even harder for exactly what you want. When you put in the work that’s required, you’re showing just how bad you want it.

•Receive it. When it begins to manifest, welcome it. Don’t be surprised of feel that you’re not ready, just take it all in. After all that you put forth, you deserve it. Enjoy the fruit of your labor.

No matter what it is that you desire, know that it’s possible to attain. That level of success that you hope to accomplish, know that you can reach it. All you have to do is want it bad enough. Speak it, believe it, claim it, work for it, and receive all that’s meant for you to have. You have to step out on faith, but trust you can get there!

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Do What It Takes!

I sat and pondered what my first post of the year would look like. Whether I should do a formal letter or just a blog post. And it caused me to think, sometimes we overthink things and miss the purpose.

My blog is solely to encourage others. And as long as that remains the central theme, it doesn’t matter how I do it. In the past few weeks, I realized there was so much more that needed to be done and shared. I realized I needed to dig deeper. There was a different level I needed to reach, a way to make a bigger impact on the lives of others. And I’ve decided that being more open was the way to start. I posted a quote on Instagram about two weeks ago stating that I needed to be more vulnerable in my posts. It’s really the best way to reach someone. When they know they’re not the only one that’s experienced a difficult moment, it gives them hope. It encourages others to keep pushing because they now know that they can make it.

Coming into this new year, I’m focused more than ever to create positive change in the lives of others. And I promise to do what it takes. Being more vulnerable in my writing is the first step. I have to be able to relate to others in order for change to occur. Telling my story will give others someone to keep going down the path with.

I then realize I need to do my research. Not all of my methods will work. So it is my job to do my research and find other ways, different avenues to get to where I need to be. I have to take action.
I will also not be afraid to team up with others in the same direction. I can’t change the world on my own, so why not link up with people who have the same goal as I do.

And with this comes sacrifice. It won’t be easy, but my passion and determination won’t allow me to quit. It will allow me to make the necessary sacrifices to get to where I need to be. This year, I intend to get closer to reaching my goals. And these are the ways I plan to do it.

What are some of your goals for the year? How do you plan to accomplish them? Are you willing to do what it takes?

I encourage you to take the time out to plan how you will take action this year. Think about it, write it, and be willing to go the extra mile. Be honest with yourself and always stay open. Keep a determined attitude and stay committed. And whatever you do, do whatever it takes to reach those goals that you have set for yourself!

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Reminders That Prompt Movement

Often times during our journey towards greater success, we are sent reminders. A reminder is something that we may have already known, but something that we need to hear at a certain moment in our lives. And they should always cause us to move.

This past Thursday I had the opportunity of attending A Conversation with Karen Civil. An event presented by Her Agenda and Alley NYC. This event produced a few of the greatest reminders. Relevant things I needed to hear at this particular phase in my life.

Since the moment I’ve heard of Karen Civil, I became a follower of hers. After reading an article in Vibe Magazine that shared a bit of her story, I saw how I could relate and respected her grind and her process. She started out as a blogger, as myself, and now has built an empire.

During the conversation led by Rhonesha Byng, founder of Her Agenda, Karen shared her journey from start to finish. Rhonesha, who is a phenomenal journalist and entrepreneur, asked questions that provoked great conversation and inspiration for those who were packed into that Alley NYC venue.

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Some of the most inspiring things she shared are as follows. Take a look as I add my own spin on it.

•She used social media to her advantage. Often times social media can be seen in a not so positive light. Many people feel that with the world of social media, it has taken away from real life situations. On the contrary, social media is a great way to build and reach a level of success.

•Come up with creative ways to get who you want to notice you. She used an example of how she lied in order to get in contact with someone. Her creativity worked for her. Lying isn’t for everyone, but you have to be creative enough to draw attention from the ones you need to notice you.

•She realized she had to have boldness in the industry that she’s in. It’s now or never. Regardless of how nervous something may initially be, she always gets this burst of courage. You can’t miss the opportunity or the moment for greatness.

•Work with as many people as possible. Networking is key in any field of business.

•Don’t let the opinions of others get in your way. Karen expressed how she talks with conviction and how many people took it as her being unpleasant. She just saw what she wanted and was confident enough to go out and get it.

•Find what works for you. What someone else did may not be ideal for you. Don’t get caught up on what others are doing, find the best route for you and work with it.

•Focus on you and try not to obsess over other people and what they have. Be content with who you are and where you are. One mans success doesn’t mean another mans failure.

•Creating value in your work. Care about everything that you do. You must be passionate and make sure you nurture it. Don’t just deliver, over deliver. Give more, beyond what others are expecting.

Along with some of these points, she talked about things that keep her motivated. She brought up her blessing jar as well as how she writes down three things she’s grateful for every night. I realized that it is so important to continue to remind yourself of your blessings and accomplishments during your journey towards success. It get weary at times, but when you begin to reflect on all that you’ve been given along the way, it helps you to be more patient.

After this event, I went back to my routines that I had left behind. I became refocused and had a new mindset. I chose to remain positive by reminding myself of how far I’ve come. Through that I will be able to remain patient knowing that greater things are ahead. So I encourage you to continue on your journey. Write down all that you’re grateful for and all of your accomplishments, and see just how encouraged you will be to keep moving. So finally as Karen Civil says, live on purpose!

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The Coaching Cupid: Dhylles Davis

After meeting and hearing part of Dhylles Davis’ story as an overcomer at an event a few months ago, I was able to sit and talk with her about her book, her life, and her journey.

Dhylles is a life coach, motivational speaker, and author of ‘Your Life! Your Purpose! No Explanation!’ Her book is not your ordinary self-help book. It is a book that not only causes you to think and make changes in your life, but also shares personal experiences within every chapter.

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Below you will find some of the highlights from the face to face interview with Dhylles Davis herself.

Miss Jones: At what point did you make the decision to become a life coach?

Dhylles Davis: It was at the age of 32 that I realized I needed to find myself. I had gone through many trials, from being sexually abused from 7-14 to having battles with death. This is when I realized I needed to share my story and help others as well.

Miss Jones : What were some of the steps you had to take to get where you are today?

Dhylles Davis: I had to be honest about my truth, embrace who I was, and forgive. I had to forgive the person in my life that molested me, as well as my mother.

MJ: You speak a lot about the importance of having a relationship with yourself in your book. How did you get to that place?

DD: I didn’t always have a great relationship with myself. I couldn’t be alone with myself. It was something that I had to practice. I had to look at myself in the mirror until I was comfortable with who I saw. I also had to take myself out on dates.

MJ: What were some of your fears during this process?

DD : My greatest fears were being honest in my book, confrontation with others, and learning how to say no.

MJ: What were some of the biggest things you’ve overcome during this process?

DD: The conversation I had to have with my mom after the book was written was one of the things I had to overcome. Because of the transparency in the book, she didn’t like everything I decided to include.
Then having the conversation with my family, helping them to understand that this is something I needed to do. I had to face my truth and share it with others.
And through all of this, I had to find my own voice.

MJ: After putting out so much into other people through your coaching and motivational speaking, how do regain your strength?

DD: Sometimes it can be overwhelming to pour out so much. I had to go on hiatus for a couple of months, where I took a step back from everything. I also have a wonderful husband who’s always there for me. We have created a beautiful space within our home, where I can have a clear mind and breath. Lastly, my positive outlook on life always keeps me lifted.

MJ: Speaking of your husband, when we first met, I instantly saw how supportive he was of you. How has having him by your side been helpful to you and your progress?

DD: My husband has been amazing. The love we have for each other is incredible. He’s been tremendously supportive of me in every way possible. We can literally talk about anything. We keep communication at the top of our list, and I believe that is what sustained us all of these years. We’ve been together for seven years, and married for three. We’ve been through so much throughout that time. I’ve had three miscarriages, a still born, three DNC’s, and got very sick afterwards. I almost died because my fibroids were infected, and I had to have them removed. Three weeks later, I had to have my gall bladder removed as well. This was two weeks before my wedding. I told the doctors I had to still be able to fit into my wedding dress. My husband said he was marrying me the date of our scheduled wedding, no matter what.
There was really no time for me to fully process all that I had gone through until after the wedding. A week later is when I just broke down. Sitting in the living room, I just sat and cried. And my husband sat there right beside me.

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MJ : What were some of your biggest struggles throughout the duration?

DD: Marketing and promotions of the book were one of my biggest struggles. Repeating and sharing my affirmations, along with my story. Also, being dedicated was a struggle of mine. Being able to complete my book without offending people. And lastly the conversation I had to have with my mother concerning the book. It was a struggle because she is still my mother, however, I had to let her know that I couldn’t be a walking contradiction I had to first clean out my own closet before I was able to help someone else with theirs.

MJ: What’s the most fulfilling thing about what you do?

DD: I have to say the most fulfilling thing about my job as a life coach is when I hear someone say, “I didn’t know that was my purpose.” Or ” I didn’t think about it like that. You’ve really helped me.”

MJ: How would you encourage someone else who’s going down the same path that you had to go down?

DD: I would tell them not to be afraid to open up, be fearless. You never know who you’re inspiring.

MJ: What do you ultimately wish to accomplish?

DD: Peace, purpose, and happiness. At the end of the day, this is what everyone is seeking. I’d like to touch lives and help others accomplish this as well.

MJ: What are your favorite motivational phrases?

DD: I have two. The first is a quote by Mahatma Ghandi, which says, ‘Each night, when I go to sleep, I die. And the next morning, when I wake up, I am reborn.” And the second is, opportunities are new everyday.

MJ: Is there anything else you would like to leave with the readers?

DD: Love life and live it. Don’t live in the past. Be fearless and take leaps of faith and positive risks. Remember, through vulnerability comes strength. Acknowledge necessary change. And crawl before you walk.

Stay up to date and for consultations with the coaching Cupid, Dhylles Davis by visiting her networks. Website: Dhyllesdavis.com. Blog: http://www.startlivingstopexisting.com. Instagram/Twitter: @thecoachingcupid.

Also, visit her website and purchase her book ‘Your Life! Your Purpose! no Explanations!’ I’m telling you, you won’t be disappointed. This book has personally pushed me to think and reconsider some of the things in my own life. It’s encouraging and inspiring to say the least.

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Be the Change you Wish to See

Over the past month or so, I’ve been feeling a bit stagnant on my job. I haven’t felt like I’ve been the most effective and it began to bother me. I found myself sharing with others how unfulfilled I had been feeling overtime. Last night was the very last conversation I had and it caused me to think past the very words I spoke. Instead of complaining about what I felt I couldn’t do; why not do what I could, where I was, with what I had.

Often times we become discouraged because of the place that we’re currently in. We feel as though we can’t produce the way we intend to because of an uncomfortable place or situation. However, when we begin to look around us, we can find things to put our hands to. We shouldn’t limit or subject ourselves to the situation we’ve been given. We can complain and talk about how we’d rather not be in that place; or we can make the best of it, put our hands to other things in the process, and work on how we can become better.

When our desire to see change is greater than what we currently see, we’ll be able to be more effective. Sulking ourselves and others in what we dislike doesn’t change much. We have to be dedicated to the conversion we’d like to take place. Then and only then will we be able to make progress.

This reminds me of a sentence I read in one of my devotions recently, “what you focus on, grows.” If we focus on the unpleasant feelings, that’s what will begin to grow and keep tugging at us. On the other hand, when we begin to put all of our focus on the actions we need to take in order to change our situation, that’ll take precedence over the negative feelings.

So just as I’m encouraging myself, I encourage you to shift your focus. Change your attitude and your mindset. Begin to look at your surroundings without eyes of frustration, but rather the eyes of change. Let’s be agents of change and do what we can, where we are, with what we have. We can be the change we wish to see.

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Live Purposefully

As I thought about things to write about, all I continued to hear was “live purposefully.” Although I’ve written about this in the past, this blog is for you to receive encouragement from where I am. My personal real life experiences. This is where I am.

I went to a funeral, rather celebration of life, Saturday morning. The life of a 19 year old young man. He was the brother of a friend that I’ve had maybe two encounters with. However, you could tell what kind of person he was. Great personality, making jokes and all around happy.

After attending the funeral and hearing more about the life he lived, I was amazed. Despite what people saw on the outside, this young man was in pain for years. Had battles with death early on, but you could never tell. Even in this, he always lived his life to the fullest. The words that were spoken on his behalf were amazing. To hear young people say that he was the only person to be able to get through to them in the midst of their depression, was overwhelming. He lived his life with the intent of fulfillment.

I was beyond inspired leaving that church Saturday afternoon. Many of us struggle with living with all of our being. Sharing all of our gifts freely, being joyous, caring for others more than we do ourselves. He didn’t allow his condition to keep him from doing all that he desired.

Many times we feel as if we can’t do a certain thing because we don’t have this or have that. But we have no idea who needs what we do have. This is why it’s important for us to live with purpose. When we purpose in our hearts to give all that we have, we can touch peoples lives in ways we couldn’t even imagine.

I’ve struggled time and time again with giving my all. But when I contemplate on the purpose behind what I’ve been given, I realize I can’t sit back it on it. Passion goes far beyond what can be taught and your circumstances. So I encourage you not to doubt yourself because of what you don’t have or the situations that you are in. Use the passion that’s within you and live your life to the fullest, intentionally with purpose! 20141021-235141-85901734.jpg